Meeting Esmé: The Birth Story I Didn't Expect
Meeting Esmé: The Birth Story I Didn't Expect
It’s quite common when people go to the effort to tell you their birth story, they are filled with wild stories, ground breaking moments, victorious pain free experiences or the unfortunate butt hole tear. As I sit here today to write you mine, 4 weeks later it is with great pleasure that I inform you of my uneventful, if not at times very boring, labour story. In the end, my little Essie girl was born, and that was my only intended outcome for the day.
It started early in the morning of Tuesday 28th Jan - my scheduled induction. Something I hadn’t shared with you all, nor my own family & friends, was that I had booked an induction to birth my little darling. Whilst induction is not for everyone, and in all honestly it wasn’t my first choice, my body made the decision for me.
I was induced with Bobby back in 2014 - having gone private this is one of the choices you can make, pending the advice and guidance of your obstetrician, and so due to the size of Bobby and being my first baby, it was suggested I be induced. Luckily I did, as his shoulders got stuck for 3 hours whilst pushing.
Next came Florence, and I was determined to go into labour spontaneously. With this labour, I also got my wish, despite her being just like her mother and sleeping soundly til over 41 weeks. It was what I’d described as a text book experience - waking up after a full night sleep, starting contractions at 8:30am, labouring at home for 8 hours surrounded by family, and an intense 4 hour active labour at the hospital and she was born at 8:28pm. From that, I knew I enjoyed the experience of going into labour naturally.
Therefore, it was my wish for bubba #3 - to wait until she was ready to enter this world. Again, my body had other thoughts.
I was carrying an excessive amount of fluid around the baby. Her “waters” she was swimming in made me the largest & the heaviest I’ve ever been in pregnancy. You guys saw it, my belly was huge. The pressure I experienced was a pain like no other, and made the experience one filled with many tears & agony. I was bed bound most days from 30 weeks, couldn’t drive, and the most painful position to be in was sitting - so laying down was my only choice. My rib cage was not being pushed upwards (as usual) but outwards as well… mimicking the pain of having broken ribs on one side. And something I only shared with my parter was due to the heaviness on my body - I’d started to have some falls. No better way than to make you feel old & immobile by having ‘falls’ pregnant out in public. Bub’s safety was my greatest priority and I begged from 30 weeks to have her out at 38+. Initially knocked back, my beautiful OB saw the pain I was in, the size, plus the excess fluid (that wasn’t showing any complications for Bub yet but could have) we settled at my 37 week appointment that the following week she would be born. Not my spontaneous, natural way I’d planned for - but the one that needed to happen for us both.
I’ll insert here that Maddy was very relieved by this decision. As someone who is highly organised, routined to the minute, and runs a very tight ship in life - a spontaneous call at any hour with me in labour was her worst nightmare. As someone who too was naturally very nervous for her first labour experience, having a date & time locked in where we would already be in hospital put her brain much at ease.
I spent the night before having noodles on the beach watching the sunset with my first two babies - Bobby & Florence as well as my two rocks - my wonderful partner Maddy & someone who has seen it allllllllll over the years - Caitlin my P.A turned sister. It was the perfect goodbye to my little family as I once knew it for so many years, and a welcome to the little ray of sunshine that was going to bless our lives the next day.
7am arrival at St Vincents Private meant Mads & I were on the road by 6ish to ensure I had time for my egg & cheese McMuffin meal on there way in, and once we arrived, we were on!
Having expected there to be a little waiting around, paperwork, formalities etc I was very surprised when my OB walked into my suite at 7:15am and said let’s break these waters!
“Omg already?” I said. Looking at Maddy who like me, shit herself immediately.
“Well, we’re here to have a baby aren’t we?”
That was that. I laid down on the bed, held Maddy’s hand, and within 30 seconds the gushing began. And I mean gushing.
The bed was immediately drenched, so I stood up so my lovely midwife Fi could change the bedding and put some more waterproof mats down. In the time she left and I was standing up, I quite literally flooded the entire room. Can we please picture Maddy not knowing what to do in this moment, so she goes to the cupboard, finds a squeegee mop, pushing everything she can into the bathroom drain and pops up a yellow “slippery when wet sign” all in the space of a few minutes. I’m laughing so much while writing this!! The clean freak in her couldn’t handle the mess - I quickly told her it’s not stopping anytime soon so let’s pop the mop down and get comfy in the chaos.
Now that my waters were broken, I naively assumed that as it was my third experience, things would be moving quite fast. I was extremely wrong. I did start to labour naturally within the hour and was set on opting out of the Pitocin drop (a synthetic hormone that helps induce labour) as I wanted to let me body do its thing.
Hours later, other than a messy wet room and the odd ‘show’ - not a whole lot was happening. The kids were eager to come in as they wanted to experience the day with me, so Caitlin bought them in mid-morning - and my best friend Jess who has held my hand through every step of this (she was with me when I had my IUI procedure) also came in to be in the labour room.
The hours kept ticking by and whilst labour did progress, it was very much uneventful. The kids were expecting the ‘movie scene’ - lots of screams and doctors rushing in, but it was a slow & steady burn, where we spent hours chatting, eating food, playing games, taking turns rocking away with me, and taking in what was the best view in any labour room I’ve seen so far.
Keeping in mind I started at 7:15am, it got to after 5pm, and after a few trips across the road to the park already, I suggested Caitlin & Jess take the kids out for dinner as I was only 5cm dilated. My experience & body told me that not a lot was going to happen so get out of the hospital for a while and I’d opt for the epidural and try to have a sleep and rest while I could. My ego didn’t like having my epi much earlier in my labour progress than I planned, but again, that was what I was dealt with on the day, and I used my brain a little better being my third and knew that I wanted to birth this girl as well rested as I possibly could be.
This is when it finally got fun!
Often you’ll hear that an epidural may slow your labour, and in my previous experiences it often has.
You’ll also often hear that every labour experience is total different, and this confirmed that.
I have a text in my phone I sent a friend at 5:38pm that reads exactly:
“No update. A very stubborn little girl who is comfy sleeping. Epidural is in thank god so going to have a snooze.” At 5:58pm, Esmé was on my chest.
Yes, within 20 minutes of being 5cm dilated, sending Caitlin, Jess & the kids off to the pub down the street to get dinner, and getting comfy after my epidural to nestle in for some sleep - my baby girl was born. It was magically wild.
After sending that text above, and with Maddy snuggled up in her corner couch, I closed my eyes to rest.
This epidural was also nothing like I had previously experienced. Prior, I had been completely numb pretty much from waist it down, unable to move. I’m unsure if this was something different and I don’t want to give out wrong information, but all I can say was I had complete movement - simply no pain. I could still feel my contractions happening, and I could move freely to the point I rolled over on my side to sleep. The midwife came in just to check if I needed another waterproof mat under me before I nodded off, and as she lifted my sheet, this awful smell hit us all in the face.
Omg sorry! I said, as I realised I must have been letting off some serious gas under there.
I think I keep farting I said.
Interesting! She replied. Do you feel any pressure?
At this stage I didn’t, however it did occur to me that if air was being pushed out of me like that then geez she must be making her way down.
She left the room and instantaneously the pressure hit. I couldn’t believe it as I’d just told her no.
I told Maddy that the only way to explain the feeling was that a bowling ball was about to come out of my asshole.
Again, keep in mind, I’ve had an epidural, so I’m not in any pain, but I could completely feel that she was close to coming out.
It’s funny how in these moments as women birthing, we KNOW, but I was almost too embarrassed to buzz her to come back as literally minutes before I’d said I’m ok.
But after holding off for what would have been less than 5 minutes, I said to Maddy to buzz the nurse because I could feel her coming regardless of whether or not I started pushing.
In comes the midwife along with my obstetrician who upon examining me said “Yep! She’s coming! You’re about to have a baby.”
Standard! I’d just cosied up to rest and sent everyone away and she was incoming all within a few minutes! I told Mads to text Jess with a simple “baby coming!!” as the room was now go go go with midwifes & my OB setting up and I actually started to push. But, obviously because of the timeframe, Jess thought we were both taking the piss and rang her as she didn’t believe us.
She’s started pushing… just run back! Maddy told Jess while laughing in disbelief.
Afterwards Jess & Caitlin explain they’d literally just walked into the pub and ordered a champagne each, putting through the kids meals initially while they decided what food they wanted. They quickly had to tell the kitchen to cancel the meals, skulled their champagnes and sprinted up the street back to the hospital. There’s a funny video that one of them has of this moment that I’ll have to share with you on socials.
I’d well and truly accepted that they were going to miss it and looked at Mads and said well babe, it’s just us.
How quickly she was coming was exemplified by what else came out of me - clearly my bowels hadn’t emptied as much as I thought while in labour all day and Mads was delivered up the greatest chocolate log you’d probably ever want to witness your loving partner push out in front of you. I’m only telling you this part because it’s so perfectly relevant to what happens next.
I am eyes shut, Maddy holding my hand, deep into pushing when Mads tells me she can start to see her head.
I am concentrating so hard on the push down, when I hear the curtain open of the group arriving back, and quiet whispers from Jess & Caitlin telling the kids to come in and stand near Maddy.
What happens next is only something that my darling daughter Florence Cachia would do.
I need you to picture this. I’m pushing. Maddy holding my hand. The room is quiet with only the voice of my OB being heard guiding me on how to push. The kids have been quietly ushered in and the room is beautiful and calm.
Then I hear Florence, loudly.
“Um, I don’t mean to be rude everyone, but it really smells like shit in here!”
Everyone lost it, laughing, and it was the perfect moment for me to know that - despite the choice of my little girls language and her brother telling her off - my children had made it and were here with me. I’d got everything I’d wanted - to birth their sister in front of them surrounded by my partner and my two best friends.
Within minutes, Mads was down where the magic happens in hysterical tears watching her come out, Florence was holding my hand and stroking my head, and my little man - who even on the day wasn’t exactly sure where he wanted to stand in the room - was right in the mix too in awe of the moment.
A goal of mine was to pull a Kourtney Kardashian and pull my baby girl out and I was granted that wish. I already knew in that moment that she was my smallest baby by how my body felt guiding her out, and as she reached her arms out to me, my little girl was born straight onto my chest. Exactly where I’ve craved her for so many years.
Previous labours with Bobby & Florence have seen me with forces deliveries, episiotomies and torn internal vaginal walls.
Esmé made this such a beautiful experience by coming out - albeit fast - as calmly and nicely for mumma as possible. Within the hour I was in the shower with Maddy laughing about Florence’s comment, and walking up to my birth suite where I sat cross legged breastfeeding my girl. I don’t tell you this experience to proclaim I am some superwoman - it’s because I am still in disbelief myself at how my body felt almost immediately. It didn’t feel real to me, knowing the healing & pain that my body had previously gone through twice before. Isn’t it funny that whenever it comes to pregnancy, labour and newborns, we almost feel bad for saying you feel good? And that we almost need some horror story to share to justify our own experiences.
Happy 4 weeks my girl - and thank you for being so kind to mummy. Xo
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