The Road To Solo Motherhood Weighed Up
The Road To Solo Motherhood Weighed Up
The road to solo motherhood has been a significant decision over the past 3 years of my life, where piece by piece all the unique set of challenges I faced over the years connected in dots to lead me right here - to the most perfect time in my life to embark on this journey.
As you can imagine, this wasn’t a light bulb moment. There wasn’t a day where I woke up and went ‘oh! Let’s have a baby alone!’ And there’s been many occasions over the years where I have indeed doubted the process and myself.
I won’t ever claim to be an expert on anything. What I can only hope to do is share my experiences and thoughts and those who may find themselves on a similar path can delve into both the positives & negatives I’ve had to weigh up over the years before landing here. By acknowledging both the benefits and the challenges, I found I could better prepare myself for the complexities of this journey, finding ways to cultivate a supportive community and prioritise self-care while also raising my current two children.
Positives
- Empowerment and Autonomy: By far, one of the most greatest gifts I’ve been able to give myself through solo motherhood is the empowerment that comes from making a life-changing decision independently. To have such a profound sense of autonomy - being in complete control of my parenting journey from start to finish - has and will allow me to create an environment that reflects my values and desires, free from the influence (or conflict) of a partner/ex-partner.
- Strong Bond: Being a single mother currently and primary carer of my two children, I have an exceptionally close bond with both of them already making me excited foe the intense emotional connection I will foster having such a singular focus on this little girl coming.
- Personal Growth: What a journey of personal growth I have been on thus far, and how much more to come!! I look forward to discovering strengths and capabilities I haven’t before and the resilience the comes with bringing another child into the world.
- Flexibility in Parenting Choices: With this child being mine & mine only (regardless of whether a partner comes or not) I will always have the freedom to make decisions that align with MY values and preferences. I don’t need to ask permission or consult with anyone on education, lifestyle, or disciplinary approaches.
- Sisterhood: Whilst always knowing I had an incredible support system around me, the camaraderie and support I have so far felt assures me that I am not alone in they experience. Surrounding myself over the years with likeminded souls who are really to celebrate my little diverse family structure has been so important to me finding myself here.
Fears (I refuse to write the word ‘negatives’ here)
- Connection: I’ll be honest: for many years, I had reservations about using a donor to conceive a child. My other two children are from my ex-partner, and I’ve always felt a connection to them through their shared heritage. I worried about whether I could bond with a child conceived in a different way, grappling with the sense of ‘unknown’ that accompanied it. I feared that this child might look markedly different from their siblings, leading to feelings of isolation. Additionally, I contemplated the complexities of raising a child who would grow up without knowing their father, and how this unique path would shape our family dynamic in ways that differed from my older children’s experiences
- Emotional Exhaustion: I firmly believe that as mothers, we’re inherently wired to shoulder the emotional weight of raising children. We tend to feel deeply attuned to their mental, emotional, social, and physical needs - this has certainly been my experience anyway. Embarking on this journey alone means carrying the full burden without a partner to lean on in challenging moments. While building a community can be beneficial, I am well aware that not all mothers have access to a strong support network - let alone solo mothers. I can empathise here with the fear of loneliness and lack of help.
- Work-Life Balance: Having co-parented for several years, I've enjoyed the luxury of a night off each week and every second weekend. (however, I still signed up to coach weekend sport so I don’t miss out anyway!) Now, as I anticipate the shock of welcoming a newborn again, who will depend on me around the clock, I of course worry about the chaos and unpredictability of juggling my responsibilities while establishing the correct environment for both baby & I. This baby will need to adapt to my life just as quickly as I adapt to theirs!
- Future Love: For a long time, I feared that being a ‘single mother of three’ might limit my chances of finding love again. As someone who has always believed in my ‘forever love,’ I often wondered if I was jeopardisng that dream by chasing another. Pregnancy, coupled with stepping away from the dating scene and the unpredictable time needed to care for a newborn, made my future unknown. As someone who has always longed for a stable, committed partner to share my life with, this thought has been something that I certainly weighed up over the yers - until I came to a place of loving myself and the commitment to my family unit more than I will ever love another partner ever again.
Choosing to embark on the journey of solo motherhood has been a deeply personal decision for me, shaped by my unique circumstances, values, and aspirations as not only a mother but a woman, too. The positives—such as the empowerment I feel, the strong bonds I’ve built with my children, the personal growth I’ve experienced so far, and the flexibility to make my own parenting choices—have been immensely rewarding and I can’t wait to experience them more in the future. Yet, I have obviously not been able to overlook the challenges with what has been at times a truly petrifying thought. Financial strain, emotional exhaustion, social stigma, and concerns about my child’s development…
Ultimately, I’ve found that solo motherhood can be a fulfilling and enriching experience, but it has required careful consideration and planning. For women like me who choose to become mothers without a partner, the landscape of parenting can be both empowering and daunting.
My commitment to my family has been my greatest motivation to land myself here.
Soph xx
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