The crazy thing about this ‘The Young Mummy’ blog is that many of you have been here since day one, all the way back to 23-year-old Sophie. I remember turning 30 like it was just yesterday. I was excited about the next decade and empowered within who I was, albeit being in a COVID lockdown that cancelled my Greek Islands 30th trip, while simultaneously experiencing painful heartbreak. Yet there was something about stepping into a new decade that felt liberating, like I had time to discover myself all over again and continue to grow as a woman.
And I’ve done a lot of that. Raising (now) three wonderful humans as a single mother, building brands, becoming a published author, all while sharing my life openly and honestly. I’m proud to say that I’ve achieved things my younger self couldn’t have imagined. Along the way, there’s also been a great deal of inner work and self-reflection: heartache and identity shifts, a divorce that changed the tracks of my life and many seasons where I felt completely lost about who I was and what I wanted.
I’ve redefined myself more times than I can count. Some chapters ended quietly; others blew up loudly. And yet, every setback has carved out the version of me that sits here today. Softer yet resilient, somewhat conditioned to life’s trials, definitely wiser and more level-headed, and somehow, still figuring it out.
Time has this sneaky way of slipping through your fingers while you’re busy juggling babies, businesses, relationships, friendships and everything in between. You look up one day and suddenly, you’re no longer the ‘young one’ in the room. You’re the woman who’s lived a lot, learned a lot and still has so much more to figure out.
35 has crept up on me. Aggressively. I can still smell the newborn scent of Bobby when he was first born in hospital, and yet last week I was taking that same boy to his high school interview.
I also believe that 35 is ‘nearly 40’… How did I get here? How?!
I won’t lie, this birthday feels heavier. Not in a sad way but in a real way. There’s something about crossing that halfway point in your 30s that makes you reflect differently (mainly because 35 is halfway to 70, lol). I’m asking myself if I’ve achieved everything I thought I would by now. Am I actually fulfilled? Am I doing enough as a mother, partner, friend, sister? Am I living boldly enough or have I become complacent? And what on earth does ‘better’ even look like for me?
I’ve chosen to see 35 with this approach: If my 20s were for figuring out who I am, and my early 30s were for building the life I wanted, then 35 is all about refining it. Because for me right now, less is absolutely more.
What actually lights Sophie up? Where do I need to slow down? Who do I want to be for myself, my kids, and the people I love?
Whilst I pride myself on being unapologetic in the fact I don’t have all the answers (and never will... making me a real-life human, just like you!), I thought this would be a good moment to share some of the lessons life has taught me and the ones I wish I could have comprehended a little more in that 20-something-year-old version of Sophie. (I could easily write 100 here, but let me brain-dump a few.)
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I always thought ‘balance’ was achievable. I don’t believe so now. You choose what matters most in each moment and you prioritise it in that order.
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Success is what you say it is. Once upon a time it was all about money and appearance. I consider myself highly successful because I am proud of who I am and I like myself as a person.
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Your mindset controls everything. I love the Buddhist principles of impermanence and non-attachment. Google them.
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You choose your reaction. You choose how you react to every situation. How you respond is totally in your control. And not everything deserves or requires a reaction. Silence and peace are far more powerful. Peace is more valuable than being ‘right’.
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Don’t sit at a table that talks about others. They’ll talk about you when you go to the toilet.
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Release anger you hold toward people. It’s so freeing and liberating. Holding on doesn’t serve you in the slightest.
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Stop spending time with people who don’t treat you well. Listen to your gut. Family and friends have no automatic right of access to you. NO ONE has the right to access you and your time. You choose who gets your energy. Removing access doesn’t need huge blow-ups. You can do it subtly, in your own way and over time. I love doing it.
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Being wrong is not failure. Reinvention is not failure. Adapting and changing are powerful acts of courage and inner growth. Every ‘perceived failure’ I’ve had has always provided me with an opportunity to learn.
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Do things for people just because. Give, just because. Help, just because. Don’t give just to receive. It’s so good for the soul.
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If you want to be good at something, be open to criticism.
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People who cheat often have such low self-esteem that they need validation from multiple sources. Cheating shows you more about how they feel about themselves than it does about you.
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You can always listen to and respect your parents’ opinions but you don’t necessarily need to follow them. You are an adult. You can create your own path.
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You have to keep evolving and developing yourself. You can always be better. I’ve asked myself this for years: ‘What more can I do? What more can I be? What more can I learn?’ Be open to continually educating yourself and evolving your thinking. You can change your views or perspective at any time. You have the opportunity to ‘unlearn’ every day. I’ll never accept “bad luck, that’s just me.”
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A lot of people you’ll meet, whether through friendships, relationships, work etc. love a version of you that best benefits them, not the version of you that thrives and grows. Growth and confidence make a lot of people uncomfortable. And uncomfortable or unhappy people often project their feelings onto you.
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Everything is temporary.
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Friendships are a two-way street.
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It’s better to have one or two people you can call at 2am, than 30 who just comment on your Instagram.
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The older you get, the more realistic your expectations of yourself and life become. Be accountable for your actions and choices or lack thereof. “When you place blame on everyone else but yourself, you give up your own power to grow.”
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